Do we Really express ourselves?

Do we really express ourselves? The meaning of this question by nature is very much self explanatory but the answer to it?
All say that they are expressive at least to a select few people.. whenever I heard people say this I wonder if it's true..

According to me HUMAN EMOTIONS are like the ICEBERG.. Only a little portion of our emotions or feelings are displayed to the people around us, just the way an ICEBERG is above the ocean, HIDING its major part UNDERNEATH the ocean.

When your friends disagree with you and later when you come to an UNDERSTANDING, we are HIDING our feelings and appear to have agreed to them, though our MIND does not..

When at your workplace your manager gives you a task that you don't like, there again you hide the FELT EMOTION and DISPLAY EMOTION that will be liked by your manager.

This process of DISPLAYING EMOTIONS that are not really FELT happens 99 out of 100 times.. Let it be your Boyfriend/ Gal friend sending a simple MISS YOU sms!!

We only express that part of filtered feelings that according to your perceptual senses you feel suits the situation the best.

HaTe ??

"Hate", how often do we come across this word in our lives? We all say " I hate Him/ her" or "I hate this or that"... Umpteen number of times certain things or persons whom we like / love or admire are no longer that adorable or liked by us.. Now why does that happen ? As far as I feel, we tend hate people because of the following

when that person has toyed with your emotions & Feelings and you come to know about that
we hear or see certain things that we never like to
jealousy
Overweighting of the negative information
When you want to be like that person but you can't
when you think you might get hurt because of that person
When your unable to digest the plain facts and you tend to filter the information for your convenience, and when your mind says your right and the other person is the root cause for all the negatives
When your rejected by that person & when your ego takes a beating...

FraGraNce Of LoVe

Night it was. Or wasn't it? She twisted and turned on her bed. It seemed to be an endless torture. "What the heck  is happening to me", she thought. But her mind was racing. Racing against her thoughts. So fast that she was finding difficult to understand what exactly was happening to her. Or was it her hallucination?

Nothing seemed real for her. It was a total blur. She tried her best to recollect. No. Everything seemed so elusive. Thoughts were racing through her mind. Am I meeting him tomorrow? If so, what am I going to talk to him or tell him? "Ok. Let me brush my teeth, she thought, and stepped into her bathroom. She saw her face and was startled to see that she had already blushed! "What the hell" she thought and looked at herself again. Her cheeks were still pink. Uncertainty gripped her . . . . . The next day, morning never seemed to dawn for her. Was there ever a night? Was there ever a dawn? Or was there ever a morning? She got up in a haze. Looked up at the clock. 7-00 AM. "My god!" she thought. She had to be there in her college early! She dressed herself so hurriedly that she even forgot to comb her hair properly. Who cares ??????

She had to catch her regular bus to reach college. She waited. And waited.. Time seemed to come to a standstill. Inside her she could feel mixed emotions. Anger that the bus hadn't come. Frustration that she would not make in time. Irritation that she may not be able to see him or even catch a glimpse of him. At last, the bus came. On any other day, shewouldn't have even dreamt of getting into such an overcrowded bus. But her heart was racing . . . . against time as it was at that fleeting moment. She reached her college. There was no sign of him. The few hours till lunch time seemed like ages. At last, it was lunch! Canteen seemed like a haven. Still no sign of him. Disappointing it was for her. She sat for a full hour, and probably would have sat there for a couple of hours more, but for her lab work. Slowly, with a hung face, she trudged her way back to her lab.

Lab work seemed like it had never been before. Nothing looked like what it had been. She just went through the motions. Her eyes, though, were intensely focused. Time seemed to jog by. Frequent glances at her watch did her no good. They only seemed to catalyze her pent up frustration. The tutor's explanation about an experiment was being echoed away towards other receiving mechanisms, but not her ears. At last, the lab was over. It now her choice, whether to go to his department and see whether he was there, or catch a bus as usual. The decision was hers. It didn't take much time. She went for him, in a feeling of blinded courage? She didn't know it herself. He was busy, extremely busy. All he did was to give her a cursory glance with a nod. She hinted that it was getting late for her. He came out at once, and her heart started to beat that much faster . . . . 

"I'm not going home" she told him. He gave her a quizzical look. She told him that she was actually going to her aunt's place that evening. He asked her whether she could wait for a few minutes. Few minutes? Her heart was on the race track. 'I could wait for you for ages', she thought and waited. The very thought of seeing come out of his lab dried her throat. She wanted to say "Hi", but the word just wouldn't come out. They went together downstairs to the parking lot. He started his bike and turned his head around to see where she was. She was right beside him, just waiting to hop over. "Shall we go", he asked her. There was just a nod of her head. Thoughts of her previous experience were starting to flood her mind. Off they went, the guy rambling about so many things. But she was nowhere; she seemed lost. Or was she?

They had gone at least about 10 km when the bike seemed to stall. The place was deserted in the sense that on one side it was the property of the Indian Army, and the other side was an open field with a railway track running further away. She got down from the bike, obviously worried, and asked him, "What happened?" He just told her that it wasn't a major problem and could be rectified in a few minutes.

Minutes were fleeting by. Her heart started to race again, for a different reason, though. Would she reach her aunt's home in time? How long would it take to solve this bike problem? Whether he would be in mood to do something to me? Or whether should I do something? Something she hadn't done, ever before. So many thoughts were racing through her mind and so rapidly that she didn't even listen to his "Hi. It's ok. Can you just help me out with this?". By the time she realized, he was holding her hand and pointing to a protruding wire from the carburetor of his bike.

Thrown out of her thoughts, she dutifully knelt beside him and began to look at the wire; she had no idea whatsoever about the wire or its function. He started to fix the wire against something, and she was trying to help him out. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught him glancing at the little traffic that was that evening. As such there were no road lamps, and the only photonic disturbance seemed to be the traffic . . . . . "Hey", he called out to her. "Yeah, tell me", she said. "Are you able to see what this is?", he asked. She tried to see what it was, flexing her body to catch a view of what he hsd been trying to convey to her. And then it happened. A fleeting moment. The very second she tried to see the so-called wire, she felt something moist caressing her lips. By the time she realized, she was relishing it, a feeling that had been unfulfilled, an emotion that had been un-felt, and a satisfaction that had never been imagined before!!!

She went to her aunt's place, dazed, dizzy, fazed, but with an overwhelming feeling that she had become a woman ...!

"There is nothing holier, in this life of ours, than the first consciousness of love - the first fluttering of its silken wings." Anonymous

PrELuDe To A KiSS

PRELUDE TO A KISS

She had been in college, pursuing her post-grad over the last 20 months or so. From an orthodox and lower middle class family, her thoughts had always been on finishing the course, applying for a decent job, and taking care of her family. Her dad was employed alright, albeit in a small position in a private company, whose credibility was not that encouraging. Just a couple of months to go, she thought. She would complete her studies and then would be on her own. Though there were quite a few responsibilities on her tender shoulders, she had always dreamt of romance in life, the ideal guy falling for her, loving her tenderly yet emotionally, and wedding her amidst the cacophony of traditional South Indian marriage. But it all seemed to be a distant dream, until things started to change . . . . .

The last 16 months of college life had thrown up several friendships from both sexes. There were new classmates, new college mates and new teachers, too, but there was one guy whom she liked most. She had met him the first time in the canteen about a year ago, and had instantly developed a liking for him. It was not often that she went to the canteen; her mother invariably had her lunch packed in a small box, which was often shared with her classmates during lunch time, or sometimes even much later. Well, the liking grew into agood friendship, mutual that is, although he was a few years elder to her, and was meant to be that way.

Slowly and steadily, she started making more and more visits to the canteen, her compact lunch box in hand, searching for him, waiting for him to come, and chatting with him whenever she saw him. It was March and time for the college function. It was an annual function generally held over a three-day period, and obviously everyone in the college was anticipating it, eager to showcase talent, wardrobes, ear rings, cosmetics, you name it you got it. The event also meant that she could spend more time with him, not just in the canteen, but also at other places in the neighborhood. It also meant that she would get more opportunities to go on aride with him on his bike, which she loved so dearly, probably because of his presence beside her, but more so because she had never been on a bike before, and that too with a guy!

The function was a grand success, and over this three-day period, she felt for the first time a sense of freedom and joy, although she couldn’t quite comprehend what it was all about. Last day of the event L.The valedictory function got delayed due to the late arrival of a dignitary. It was 8 PM and already getting late. She lived quite far off from where her college was, but that wasn’t the real problem. Her dad was quite strict and always expected her to be at home by around 8. She was getting fidgety and, with some reluctance, asked him whether he could drop her at home. He said, “Hey, no probs” and this seemed to calm her down a bit.

Finally, the event was over. A fleeting glance at her watch showed that it was nearing nine. “Oh my God!” she thought. It was already too late for comfort. How would she face her dad? What would he say? How would she face his ire? She was getting so tensed up that she didn’t even notice him stop his bike beside her. “Hey hop on! It’s already late!” She sat behind him on his bike and off he went speeding along the road, eager totake her home ASAP. Fear began to cloud her face. She had seldom been on a bike before, other than with him, but those were entirely different times. She was sitting side on and her knuckles had become white, tryingto latch on to the bike frame as hard as she could. Her thoughts were no longer about home. . .

“You’re going too fast!” she said. He didn’t seem to hear her and she felt as if she would fall off his bike any moment. “Please. Go slowly”, she said, holding his right shoulder now and pressing it hard. “Don’t worry, just hold me tight”, he said but didn’t slow down. For a second, she didn’t know what to do. Then she just hugged him as tightly as she could. Nothing else seemed to be safer at that moment. . . . .

It took her a few seconds to realize that something was happening to her. Her entire body seemed to be in convulsions. The world seemed to be in a dizzy. A spin. Her heart was pumping so fast that she could feel herself against his back. In a flash, she took her hands off him, just at the moment he turned back to look into her eyes. Her eyes were moist. Her lips were dry. Her body was still shuddering. She had been overwhelmed by something, an extraordinary power, an inexplicable feeling she had never experienced before. It was something so emotional she had never felt before. So exciting, so stimulating, so invigorating . . . .